Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
