Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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