he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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