They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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