apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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