Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
