I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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