You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
