I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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