Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
