I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
