Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
