i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
