i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
