I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
