Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The uberlube is also flammable
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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