I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
