I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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