Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
