It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
