I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
