Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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