So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
