no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
