just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
