Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
