I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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