Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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