Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
