Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
