Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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