when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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