I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
