While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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