I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
