So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
