my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
