You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
