Non-Jews are for practice
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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