Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
