Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
We smell like vodka and hangover
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