Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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