I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
