I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
