You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Damn victory sex feels great
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
