I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
