I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
