he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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