I am midnight drunk by noon
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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