Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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