Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
