so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
