so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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