thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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